Seeking Godly Counsel: Wisdom, Accountability, and Sacred Sobriety

 

Welcome to Sacred Sobriety: A Path for the Soul. I’m your host, Timothy Berman, and today I want to have a discussion that delves into a topic that may transform how we navigate life’s big decisions—seeking Godly counsel. Whether you’re in recovery, wrestling with your faith, or just trying to figure out the next step in a tough season, this episode is for you.

We’ll explore what it means to seek Godly counsel to make wise decisions and actually follow through. We’ll back it up with scripture, contrast it with the harm of unsolicited advice, and even unpack some psychological ideas—like Albert Ellis’s three musts—through a Christian lens. Plus, I’ll share some personal stories from my own journey mentoring others in recovery. 

So, grab a notebook, a coffee, and let’s grow together. My prayer is that you leave here equipped to seek God’s wisdom in a way that brings peace and purpose. Let’s get started!

Part 1: What is Godly Counsel?

What does it mean to seek Godly counsel? In a world, especially on social media, where everyone has an opinion, Godly counsel stands apart. It’s not just advice—its wisdom rooted in God’s truth, guided by His Spirit, and aimed at helping us make decisions that honor Him.

The Bible is full of encouragement to seek this kind of counsel. Take Proverbs 11:14: 'Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.' Or Proverbs 15:22: 'Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.' These verses tell us that wise decisions come from seeking input—but not just any input. It’s counsel from those who know God’s word and can point us to Him.

Godly counsel isn’t about outsourcing your decisions. It’s about partnering with others to discern God’s will through prayer, scripture, and honest conversation. It’s an anchor, especially in recovery or when your faith feels shaky. I’ve seen it in my own life—when I was new to sobriety, I needed voices that didn’t just tell me what to do but helped me hear God for myself.

Part 2: The Harm of Unsolicited Advice

Now, let’s flip the script and talk about unsolicited advice—you know, when someone offers their two cents without being asked. We’ve all been there, and while it’s often well-meaning, it can do more harm than good, especially when ministering to someone in recovery, a faith crisis, or a tough time.

Picture this: you’re fighting to stay sober, and someone says, 'Just trust God more.' Or you’re questioning your faith, and they chime in with, 'You need to read this book.' It feels like they’re not really seeing you—they’re just throwing out a fix. That can leave you feeling judged, dismissed, or even more lost.

Unsolicited advice skips the heart of the matter. It doesn’t consider your unique struggle or emotional state. In recovery, where rebuilding trust in yourself and God is so fragile, being told what to do without being heard can set you back. It’s not ministry—it’s meddling.

The Bible warns against this. James 1:19 says, 'Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.' Listening comes first. Unsolicited advice often reverses that—it’s quick to speak and slow to hear.

Part 3: Albert Ellis’s Three Musts and a Christian

Let’s dig into some psychology for a moment—Albert Ellis’s three musts. These are beliefs that fuel dysfunctional thinking, attitudes, and behaviors. Here they are:

• I must do well and win others’ approval, or I’m no good.  
• Others must treat me kindly and fairly, exactly as I want, or they’re terrible and deserve punishment.  
• Life must be fair in order for me to get what I want, when I want it, and avoid what I don’t want—or it’s unbearable.

These musts are all about self—self-worth, self-justice, self-control. But from a Christian perspective, they’re a recipe for bondage, not freedom.

Take the first must: needing approval. Philippians 2:3-4 says, 'Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.' Our value comes from God, not people’s opinions.

The second must: demanding perfect treatment. Jesus flips this in Matthew 5:44: 'Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.' We’re called to grace, not grudges.

The third: insisting life goes our way. James 4:13-15 reminds us, 'You do not know what tomorrow will bring… Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”’ God is in charge, not us.

Here’s the kicker: these musts often sneak into advice-giving. When we tell someone, ‘You must do this to be okay,’ or ‘They must change for you to heal,’ we’re feeding that dysfunction. Even when advice is requested, Christians should be cautious. Our job isn’t to fix—it’s to point people to God’s truth and let Him lead.

Part 4: Personal Examples — Mentoring in Recovery

Let me share some real-life examples. I’ve had the privilege of mentoring, discipling, and sponsoring new Christians in recovery. One question I get a lot is, ‘Should I attend this church or that one?’ Or ‘What about this spiritual discipline—like fasting or daily prayer?’

Early on, I’d give my opinion: ‘This church has a great recovery group,’ or ‘Fasting might help.’ But I noticed it wasn’t empowering them—it was making them dependent on me. So I changed my approach.

Now, I ask questions like: ‘What do you feel the Holy Spirit is speaking to you about?’ ‘What issues are you struggling with in this decision?’ ‘What are you hoping to accomplish, and how will this discipline move you toward that?’

For instance, one guy I sponsored kept asking which church to join. I said, ‘What’s drawing you to each one? How do you think it’ll support your recovery and faith?’ It shifted the focus from my answer to his process with God.

Another time, a woman asked about starting a prayer routine. I asked, ‘What’s your goal? How will this help you stay sober or grow closer to God?’ We talked it through, prayed, and she found her own path forward.

This isn’t about avoiding responsibility—it’s about helping them hear God’s voice and take ownership of their decisions.

Part 5: The Process of Seeking Godly Counsel

So, what sets seeking Godly counsel apart? It’s not about being told what to do—it’s a process of active listening, processing, and accountability.

• Active listening is step one. When you seek counsel, you need someone who hears your heart, not just your question. James 1:19—quick to hear, slow to speak—applies here. We, as Christians, want to listen to understand someone's struggle, not to jump in with solutions.
• Processing is next. This is where you wrestle together. What does scripture say? What are the costs, pros, and cons? It’s not a one-way lecture—it’s a dialogue to discern God’s will. For example, in recovery, you might process whether a new habit will support sobriety or add pressure.
• Accountability seals the deal. Godly counsel doesn’t end with advice—it follows through. As faithful Christians, someone prays with you, checks in, and helps you stick to the decision you’ve made with God’s guidance.

Compare that to solicited or unsolicited advice. Too often, it’s just, ‘Here’s what to do—good luck!’ There’s no processing, no weighing options, no follow-up. That leaves you stuck, not stronger. Godly counsel builds you up to decide and act wisely.

Part 6: Practical Tips for Seeking and Providing Godly Counsel

Let’s wrap up with some practical steps.

For Seeking Godly Counsel:  

• Start with prayer. Ask God to guide you and lead you to the right people.  
• Pick wisely. Seek counselors who know scripture, live their faith, and listen well.  
• Be honest. Share your struggles and be open to tough insights.  
• Process together. Discuss options, not just answers.  
• Stay accountable. Commit to follow through and let them support you.

For Providing Godly Counsel:  

• Listen first. Don’t rush to speak—hear them out.  
• Use scripture. Ground your guidance in God’s word.  
• Ask questions. Help them reflect: ‘What’s God saying? What’s your goal?’  
• Pray together. Invite the Holy Spirit into the decision.  
• Follow up. Be a partner, not a one-time voice.

This process keeps God at the center and builds lasting growth.

Conclusion

Seeking Godly counsel isn’t a quick fix—it’s a sacred journey. It’s about making wise decisions with God’s help, following through with accountability, and growing in faith. Unlike unsolicited advice, it doesn’t harm—it heals.

If you’re in recovery, a faith crisis, or a hard season, I encourage you: seek counsel that points you to God. And if you’re giving counsel, do it with humility and care. Let’s keep walking this path of sacred sobriety together.

Thanks for joining me on Sacred Sobriety. If this blessed you, subscribe and share. See you next time!